Doing it with the Flea
by IceCreamDestruction
Summary: Shizuo is at Izaya's apartment doing something with him... "Put it in, Shizu-Chan." "In?" "No, I meant 'over,' you protozoan. How do you expect to do this if it's not in?" "In…there…?" ...But it's not what you think! What are Izaya and Shizuo ACTUALLY doing? Shizaya humor/romance one-shot!


**Rated M for language and sexual situations at the end.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own _Durarara!. _BUT, I _DO _own a stick of gum! :D**

**DJ Butter Cream: Wahoo! First one-shot I'm submitting to FanFiction! :D**

**Shizuo: ...Your name is DJ Butter Cream?**

**DJ: YES! :D**

**Shizuo: ... ._.**

**DJ: Well anyways, enjoy the story! And as I said in the description, if you have a dirty mind, then _IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK._ ;D**

**Izaya: Well this will be interesting...**

**DJ: _Very. _:P**

* * *

"Put it in, Shizu-Chan."

"In?" Shizuo raised an eyebrow.

"No, I meant 'over,' you protozoan," Izaya said sarcastically and rolled his eyes with a short sigh. "How do you expect to do this if it's not in?"

"In…there…?" Shizuo asked with a blank expression.

"Yes, good job Shizu-Chan! You finally caught on with that small brain of yours." Izaya grinned impishly as the blonde slightly narrowed his eyes.

"Does it matter how I put it in? Should it be slow or fast?" Shizuo scratched the back of his head.

"It doesn't matter! Just put it in already! Or am I going to have to put it in for you?" The raven sent a cold, hard glare to the bodyguard, his patience ready to snap at any moment.

Shizuo smirked to himself and looked at Izaya with an amused chuckle. Of course he knew what to do. His first time was around the age of fourteen with his little brother. He kindly asked Kasuka if he wanted to do this sort of thing with him. The boy rejected him, but a little less than ten minutes later, he agreed to do it. Shizuo's face had lit up like a Christmas tree and about three hours later, thick white liquid was splashed upon the walls, floor, and almost anything else in the room. The boys knew that they had to clean up the mess that they had caused, and so they did – but only with paper towels and no soap. This caused the walls to sometimes have a strong scent to them. After that one time, they decided that they liked doing it together and continued doing it more frequently.

The brothers had decided that they would only do it with each other and no one else. A couple of times, they considered asking their parents to do it with them, (since they were so much more skilled at it than them) but they had decided to keep it between the two of them.

One time, their parents had walked in the room and saw them doing it together and gaped at them. They always thought that they could smell that familiar white liquid on the walls, but they didn't believe it to be true. Their parents didn't disapprove of this sort of thing between brothers; they actually supported them and loved this new bonding relationship between them. Their parents even went as far to get them some useful tools to ensure that the brothers ended their activity with success.

Their mother actually took pictures and videos to show other family members their special bonding relationship. She had asked her sons if she could upload the pictures and videos to the internet so that the whole world could see, but the brothers were too embarrassed to allow their mother to do so. Even though their mother never did post the images or videos on the internet, their classmates somehow found out that they did that sort of thing with each other. A lot of guys accused them of being gay, which earned them a couple punches from Shizuo. Even though guys teased them for doing it with each other, many girls encouraged them to keep doing it and to ignore the bullies. The Heiwajima bros started doing it more frequently because of what the girls had said to them. To this day, Shizuo can't even remember how many times he's done it with Kasuka.

As they started getting into their late teens, they almost had no free time on their hands and stopped doing it altogether; this activity took a lot of hard work and wasted a lot of their time. He hasn't done it in years and now here he is with Izaya, who looks like he's going to have a meltdown if Shizuo didn't stick it in soon.

"Nah, I think I can put it in myself." And with that, he finally plunged it in.

"Ah, yes! Now, I want you to move just like this." Izaya showed the blonde exactly how to move, even though he already knew how to.

"Like this?" He moved at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Yes, but faster."

"Better?" Shizuo barely even moved it faster.

"Ugh, faster!" Izaya's started boiling up with anger and frustration. He mentally scolded himself for doing this type of activity with a protozoan.

Shizuo smirked and moved slightly faster. "Good?"

"GODDAMMIT, SHIZUO! NOTHING IS HAPPENING! MOVE _FAST_!" The informant's patience finally snapped and he yelled on the top of his lungs.

Shizuo's grin only widened. It was amusing to see the gears switch and have him be the one in control and Izaya be the one who was beyond angry.

"You asked for it~." He moved as fast as he could possibly go.

"SH-SHIZU-CHAN TH-THAT'S TOO FAST-AGH!" Suddenly, thick white liquid exploded onto the walls.

"Was that too fast?" Shizuo asked stupidly, earning a death-glare from Izaya.

"Clean this up." He commanded in a dangerous tone that would make anyone shit their pants…except Shizuo. The bodyguard decided to follow his order and started wiping off the liquid.

"You know, I used to do this sort of thing with my brother."

Izaya raised an eyebrow. "When I said that I found your brotherly love creepy, I never imagined it to be _that _creepy."

"Well what's so wrong about baking with your brother?"

The raven's face twisted into a disgusted expression. "I don't know…it's just…odd…"

Shizuo stopped rubbing and thought back to the good moments of his past. "It was always fun doing this with my brother and what made it better was that our mom would buy us kitchen tools to help us make sure that we would get a tasty finishing result. You see, Kasuka and I used to suck at baking and we would get batter all over the place, like what just happened."

"Tch. So you did it on purpose." Izaya muttered to himself.

"Hmm?"

"Well, first you almost take ten minutes to put the fucking spatula into the bowl and then you mixed it so fucking slow, I thought I was going to die. Then, you mixed it at such a high speed, and what's the result? My goddamned kitchen walls, counter, and floor are all covered in batter!" Izaya took a deep breath from spitting out the words with such intensity. He sat down on a chair and crossed his arms onto his table, laying his head into his arms. He closed his eyes and let out another sigh, now very stressed with Shizuo and himself. Shizuo set the rag back onto the counter and walked over to Izaya from behind. He slid his hands under Izaya's shirt and ghosted his fingers over chest. His lips went to the other male's ear and licked at the shell of it before nibbling down the length of it, leaving small licks in the process. He sucked and licked at his earlobe while pinching his nipples and tugging them slightly. Izaya bit down on his lip to try to suppress a moan, but failed when one managed to slip out. Shizuo blew at Izaya's now wet ear, making the raven shiver in delight. Shizuo had the smallest smirk on his face as his lips leaned closer to the raven's ear.

He whispered to him in a deep, rough voice, "Let's stain the walls with another type of white."

* * *

**DJ: :D**

**Izaya and Shizuo: *Face palm* ...**

**DJ: What? Come on it wasn't _that _bad, was it?**

**Izaya: *Suddenly starts laughing psychotically* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Shizuo and DJ: *Wait an hour for him to finally stop laughing* ._.**

**Izaya: You seriously could not have come up with a cheesier ending!**

**DJ: I thought it was okay...plus, it gives the reader a decision to what happens next! ;D**

**Shizuo: Wait, I thought you didn't like Shizaya/Izuo...? *Lights a cigarette***

**DJ: I don't! *DUN DUN DUUUUN* ...I'm getting a lot of haters for that aren't I... Damn it. Well this was for my friend's birthday! HAPPEH BIRTHDEH! :P**

**Izaya: Maybe you're in denial~ You probably _do _love Shizu-Chan and I together, don't you~?**

**DJ: Izayaaa... *Whines* Why do you have to mess with all of my words?**

**Izaya: I'm simply stating the truth.**

**DJ: No you're not!**

**Izaya: Yes, I am~**

**DJ and Izaya: *Continues bickering***

**Shizuo: *Siiigh* Rate and review, guys! This girl needs all the critiquing she can get...**

**DJ: HEY!**


End file.
